Let’s be real about this, folks. If you want to call this “Blitzwing”, that’s up to you, and you’d technically be correct. But that’s a bit like calling the Tesco own-brand cola that your wife buys “Coke”. You’re just lying to yourself to make it easier to swallow.
This is Starscream. Starscream how he was always meant to be in the movies. Back in 2006 when Paramount announced there would be a Transformers film, this is what we dreamed of when we lay our naive heads on our pillows that night. Little did we know what nightmares were to come.
Of course, we’re being a bit silly and have no problem at all with people who love the “proper” movieverse Starscream. We just acknowledge that you were probably a developing foetus when the movie came out, and ask that you remain one arm’s length away from us and our children at all times.
This statue is a thing of beauty. It’s 78cm tall and features light-up eyes and a big gun that can be swapped out for the right arm. He also comes with two interchangeable hands and a sort of weird needle thing because Blitzwing didn’t say “NO” to drugs. Now you know he’s a baddie.
This monster statue also comes at a monster price. Pre-orders aren’t up yet, but in line with previous releases expect it to come in at £1,200 – £1,800. If you’re new to Transformers, we didn’t misplace a decimal. We have to wonder who has that kind of money to spend on an inanimate statue… You could buy all the Starscreams and Blitzwings in the world with that much moolah! What we wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall in that household!
“Hey Bob. What the hell is that!?”
“Oh, it’s my Starscream statue. Set me back a couple thousand quid. But it looks good, right?”
“You made us pay for your cinema ticket, Bob.”
“My wife left me. Do you know how to make dinner?”
“Wife buys coke”